Impermanence…

Can u read the word on the left? =) Let me read it to you (heheh assume, some of u wont be able to read) : Ai (in Chinese, means LOVE)…. I like that word sooo much… O yeah, speaking about this Chinese word, I remembered what my former teacher taught me. If you look at the word, there is a ‘heart’ (read: xin) part in it. Can u see it? Then below it, there is a ‘yiu’ word which means relationship! When u link both of them, u will find LOVE!! See.. old Chinese pple are so clever!! I wonder who is the former of the Chinese words… So amazing and clever! Actually, not only this word has such symbolic meaning, but other words too (cant recall em at the moment…)

Now… let me draw your attention to the title. Yep!! I can say I’m in love. In love wif myself (again! after some times neglecting it), in love wif my friends (for being with me and supporting me), wif BodhiNite (esp. the pple! they are amazing.. gonna miss that moment), & wif life. =P Disappointed? (Cos I didnt mention a guy’s name? ) hehehe Well, if I’m in love with a guy, I wont ever publish it though.. hauhua So dont expect me to say that hauhauuha =)
Feeling in love makes my life much more beautiful. Now I try to live my life in present times, so everytime my thoughts array somewhere, I will try to drag it back to the now being. I have practiced it for several times, and I found that myself feel a bit happier and less attached (craved too) ^^

Hmm talking about love, it reminds me of my parents. I mizzzz them a lottttt!!! Gosh, never had this strong feeling before. =P Maybe becos I havent talked to them for a week… =P Been bz lately…
Now the economic condition in my country is down!!! =( Hate it! Cos it means that the currency rate is affected, and me too… =( hix hix… Now the Oz rate is soooo high!!! Hope it will go down someday, cos I need to pay my uni fee!!! hehe Havent paid it at all.. auauhuah

Kay then… will continue some other time…

BodhiNite’s over!!!!!! Yep… even though the path to bodhinte is so long and tiring, I really ENJOYED it!! This year I feel more satisfied than last year. Why? First reason: my friends were so supportive (a lot of em came to Bodhinite this year!–> despite their religions, happy for that) … =)
Second: We sold out the tickets before the day!!! What an overwhelming response! Gosh, at the beginning I thought we wouldn’t be able to break the record, but we did!! =) Soooo happy about it…
Third: I knew more UNIBUDS pple heheh which means that I have more frenz!!! =) heheheh LOL Big smile for that!

Hmm thinking about yesterday.. one thing made me feel happy and peaceful. Cant really explain how I felt, but I can say I felt so comfy. Dunno why for sure… I think it is because that my UNIBUDS’ pals joys.. They were so happy cos we did so well (I think so.. I leave the critics to the audience hehe). This feeling is different from the one I had when we did offering in Wollongong. Dunno why, maybe the UNIBUS team was more excited! Of coz they are! heheh This event is the biggest event of the organisation!
But nevertheless, I feel happiness for both.. I like to see pple being happy, I like to entertain pple. On both occations, I made pple laughing! Like the feeling =)
Actually my deepest wish is that to see pple around me happy! I wish all beings can be happy and free from suffering. I know life is full of ups and downs, but downs dont have to be the cause of ur sadness. In downs I wish pple can find happiness as well… =) Sounds silly? But that is what I wish =)

Sabbe satta bhavantu sukkhitata…

I watched Oprah Show today. It was about the relationship between childrean and their fathers. Well, as we know, most children are closer to the moms than the dads. Hmm wondering why… In my opinion, its maybe becos mom can deal with emotion easier, she can show the affections to her lovely children, not like the dad, who finds so hard to show their feeling.
One thing I found interesting from that show is that realtionship is different from fellowship. What fathers usually thought that fellowship may occur if there is relationship. But in reality, it is not true. Relationship can happen if we have the bond (may due to marriage, birth, etc.). However fellowship is not so, fellowship can happen if the hearts are connected each other. I think it is not easy to build a fellowship, even if it is within a family. For my own family, I find that my brothers are not that close to my parents.. I sometimes feel so sad about it. Dunno why it happened. Well maybe its because of distance… Actually my bros and I lived and grew up in different towns from where my parents resided. We did so just for the sake of education. My parents stayed in Nias (until now) and we in Medan (not far away from Nias, juz an hour by plane). I have a strong feeling that my mom regrets that happened. But it has passed, nothing can be done to change it.
Back to Oprah, the man said that one way to improve the relationship (or if i can say to build the fellowship) between the dads and children is to ask the father about his history of life. This thing realised me one thing: I dont really know how my father grew up. I only know a bit of it from my relatives and mom, not directly from my dad. Frankly speaking, my dad does not speak much.. =P I plan to ask him next time when I go back to my sweet homecountry

Hmmm browsing fs today, I juz found out that my former teacher (he taught me Christianity, a religion study subject at my high school) has passed away. I was a bit shocked and sad. Funny thing, I felt a bit sad, cos he was not really a good teacher. But even so, I know that he has a good side though. Even his bad side was more outstanding =P sorry bout that. Yet I felt sorry for his leaving this world… I wish he could rest in peace, and during his last breath, he could see happiness… =)

Kay then.. now its time to me to start writing my essay, gosh, its due tomorrow!!!

Anger.

You makes me blind
can not see the distance between us
Feel like we are thousand miles apart
Makes me shout to talk to you…

Hm.. those lines are originally written by me.. Cant be said good, but I hope it represents what Im gonna write here. I juz read an article, it was so true and good. Wondering why we always shout at pple we angry with… even though the persons are just beside us? And funny thing, the angrier we are, the louder we shout! Yet to those who we love we speak so softly. Sometimes, we can even understand each other without saying a word. Hmmm.. ever wondering so? Well.. the thing is when we are angry with someone our hearts are separated far. That is why to reach the person, we need to shout. So when we are angry, it’s wise to speak no sound to keep the distance close, not further. With time passes, the anger will also fade away.. So next time: Shut up if u are angry!!! heheheh =)

This week I’m so damn bz!!! I have to step up a lot of hurdles… after one, another one comes in front, then another one again… seems like it would never end. Imagine, this week I had 2 assignments due, next week one test & 1 big assignment, the next week have 2 assingments, then not long after gonna have tests… =( Gosh…. I wish Im gonna have my break soon!!!

Today, I handed in my assingment ON TIME! =P Yepp this is my 1st experience… *blushing* im a bit ashamed though.. cos when i handed the assingments (along wif my frens’) my lecturer was juz about to go home… =P Hopefully she was still there, otherwise Im gonna stray around app sci building juz to look for her pigeon hole….

Bodhinite.. yepp its about to come… well, this year I contribute in selling tickets (now not as an agent, but as an assistant) its not really as kewl as it sounds. =P Cos I didnt sell so many… Well, I just do my best!!! This year, I missed a lot of ‘prospective’ buyers, since my temple frenz are having another activity at the same time with Bodhinite, so I cant sell the tickets to ‘em… poor me… Anyway, I still have a lot of frenz supporting me… =) Many thx to them!!

Kay then.. think to go back to my books…. need to study for monday test!

Juz read an article about how to be happy. There are several steps according to what I’ve read. I’d like to share with all of you:

1. Stop comparing, keep flowing
According to it, every suffering we encounter is rooted from comparing with others. By comparing, we never feel satisfied with what we have achieved/got. That is why we need to ‘flow’ which means that we have to be ourselves. We can show the best of ourselves when we learn to accept them (ourselves). When we start to love ourselves then our confident can come out.

2. To give
In this case, it doesn’t infer to material things, it can be simply a give of smiling, care, sympathy, affection, etc.

3. Glow from inside
This means that the darker the condition is the brighter it is. Confused? Well, this analogue may shed the shadow. Imagine stars in the sky. During nights, they glow so beautifully, but during the day they are ‘hidden’ in the universe. Second example, candles. They glow nicely if the room is dark. This context means that the more hurdle u encounter in this life, the brighter the inside of you. For example, if you have a bad-tempered partner, you have to be grateful, cos it is gonna make the inside of you glow brighter. Your partner can teach you a lot (for instance, how to be patient).

4. Heaven is not a place, instead is the condition of how you act in this life.
If you find this life is full of suffering and disturbance, then it is hell. Yet if you see this world/life as a good thing, then you have found the heaven. The thought that everything will be alright will lead to heaven.

5. Acknowldging yourself and what you are capable of.
He gave an example: there is a bunch of animals who want to establish a school cos they dont want to ‘lose’ from humans. They all have lessons on how to run, swim, and fly. But after 11 years, they all feel exhausted. The birds can only fly, fish can only swim, and the wolves can only run. Finally they end to a conclusion that they must be able to acknowledge what they are capable of and what they are.

Well… from all of those, I can draw a conclusion that to be happy we need to shed all the negative taughts rising inside ourselves, and replace them with positive ones. And we also need to stop craving and accepting of what we have got. What’s the point of asking more? After you get what u’ve craved, I’d bet you will keep asking for another one. We human will never satisfied with what we have in front of our eyes. Hunger in this things will never give us happiness. =) Well, for me, what I want is to live happily… so I try to accept myself and feel grateful of what I have had.

Cheers!