Impermanence…

I am wondering.. how can our mind be so subjective? Why not a single person be a 100%-objective person? Why?? Imagine, whenever someone tells you, esp if the person is so persuasive, at least 0.99% you will be affected by his opinion!! That tiny amount does count! Even though u still can keep your objective mind, the echo of the person’s voice is still in your mind!! Geez.. imagine if the person’s voice is so vicious!!! That is why, the wise always say keep away from the unwise person, since he might affect your thinking… I reckon, what it says is true. No one is purely objective… unless you are a saint and very wise person

I wish I can become more and more objective (yet not perfectly objective, cos i aint a saint)

Yesterday, I had a chat with my friend. Here some of what we were talking abt:
H: "Ros, guess you’ve changed lately?"
R: "Really? Hm.. how different am i now?"
H: "Dunno.. looks like you’re more sensitive? Anything happened?"
R:" Hehehe.. o yeah? Nah.. nothing happened. And dun think I become more sensitive now…"

Well.. I reckon, what he said wasnt totally wrong. I do change, I reckon that. Yet I’m not more sensitive as what he thought. What makes me change is that, now I let my heart to be more open, expose it more to others. I used to build a brick wall around my heart to prevent any injury on it, so seal it from any hurts. Yet, now I let it being exposed to the ‘bugs’ of feeling. I think that is why he sensed that Im more sensitive, in a way? hehe
Now, Im not afraid of being hurt, cos realise that where there is happiness, suffering/sorrow will always be there, just like Ying and Yang. Where there is positive, there will always negative. So I cant avoid from one of them. Moreover, I now realise that everything is impermanent, so there wouldnt be such thing happiness-all-the-time, unless I’ve found the true happiness (which Im trying to practise towards it.. TRYING to.. ) Somehow, sorrows and hurts can also help you to improve wisdom, and also craft your personality (hopefully towards better one) =)
Hehehe.. so yeah, here is the new me

Always be happy, friends!!! Seek the happiness within, not without! =)

Im watching a korean series atm, its called Goong. Its a nice and entertaining story, telling abt love, family, and palace. Watching it, reminds me of my family. I feel soo empty in my heart. I miss my family, esp my parents, sooo much… Cried though.. hoho.. dunno why, suddenly this feeling hit me so badly. Seldom do I have such feeling, yet i just did.

It might becos my cousin’s family is here now. And it reminds me of my own family. Somehow the homey feeling here ‘disturbs’ me.. dunno why.. but it does. It doesnt mean that Im not glad they are coming, but just feel like Im the outsider. Cos Im not their ‘direct’ relative, so yeah, couldnt get that close to them that much. Sort of there is a gap between us. Makes me feel uneasy, somehow. Like usual family, they do cook meals. I have no idea how I should put myself during these meal times. Confused what Im saying? Hmm yeah, me too, dunno how I can put into words what I think. I know, everything is actually my mindset, it might not the real truth. When they’ve cooked the meals, I dunno if I should take my plate and easily eat the foods cooked, or just eat when they call me to eat… And yet, they dont really straight away invite me to eat, or ask if ive eaten or somehow.. It makes me difficult to put my position… And it disturbs me… Making me miss my family soo much… cos when my mom around, maybe it wouldnt be like this…

Frankly speaking, I dont really feel my place is a home atm… I reluctant to go back home lately… for a reason Im not clear yet…

Dunno if what i feel now is somehow affected with my body system, like hormone or something.. but yeah, its what i feel now…

I just heard from Yuli that a friend of us has gone back for a moment cos of a sad news: her 2nd brother passed away. What a sad news!! I think it’d be hard for her… suppose her brother is still young. I emphasize the ‘young’ word. Cos this shocked me.. it shows me that life is so fragile. You cant tell when u r gonna leave this world forever… Yep, indeed. Every second of your future is uncertainty, yet your death is.. We everyone eventually will die.

So, people, my suggestion: cherish each moment you have. Do what you wanna do, dont ever hesitate, follow your heart. For myself, I dont want to waste my time and try to pursue what I think is important…

Life is fragile, so appreciate it… Life is beautiful if you can see it in that way

Hmm… Was browsing my Friendster inbox… Its massive!! There were 50 sth pages!! ^^ which means there were 250 sth mails =P Well, fair enuf, since i seldom deleted my mails though… When I went to the lastest page, it was in 2003!!! 3 years a go!!! =) And when I looked at the names, there were actually the regular friends who keep sending me msg ^^ Love them hohoho cos, it keeps me in track with them… since the distance apart us… =( Thx for the internet and friendster!! LOL Some also were from ’strangers’… like someone who was just popping in with ‘intention’ to get to know you, sorta thing… but eventually they werent serious enuf to keep in touch… (or perhaps i ignored the emails, hahaha, who knows, i cant remember it!) hahaha

Well.. time flies… it just felt like i was naively coming to oz.. and now here i am, in my last year of uni… scared though sometimes to think of future.. but i just want to follow the flow…

Good luck for everyone!! Ganbare!!

This day is my day!!! Why? Simple, cos I just got my mobile back!! Yep, even though I thought he wouldnt send it back to me… but he did! Was so surprised when I checked my mailbox this morning (it didnt even cross my mind though)… Real surprise, indeed! And my mobile was in a very good conditon: with no diff frm the beginning! Happy I am!

The pic was taken when we went to Port Stephens on Sunday… We had a good time there… ^^ We went to see dolphins, did sand dunes, n went to Hunter Valley for wines… Bought one wine though… I loved the taste! Not bitter.. yet strong… =) haha well, can be say it in implicit way since im not a wine drinker… The wine I bought was an old wine, and can be keep for good, once its opened i hv to finish it in 6 mnths! (usual wines have to be finished within a week!) hehe Wasnt it good?