Impermanence…

I always wonder,why is life so unpredictable? We almost can’t predict everything in life. Even clairvoyance can’t see accurately about what’s about to happen. Last couple of days, there was a nightmare happened in the States. A massacre in an institution in Virginia state. What a sad thing to happen! Random (are they?) people, added up to be 22, were shot… Terrible, horrified, tragic, you name it!

But thinking of it again, perhaps they were caught in the cycle of karma in the previous life? (perhaps?) Otherwise, why could such random people were dead coz of one guy? They might know not each other. It seems unfair for the left families. Those people seem to be ‘innocent’ in this case.

Sadly anough, I heard from my friend that the gunman’s parents shot themselves. The dad said goodbye to the world, whereas the mom was revived. I guess, it aint easy life for the parents anymore. They bore heavy burden on the shoulders: shame, guilt, mourn, etc. I pity them actually.

Frankly, at the first time I read the news, I didnt condemn the gunman. Dont get me wrong, its not that I dont see that his action was right. It’s just that I believe he must have been so desperate to do such. Well, okay, let’s just assume that he is mental… but before he got to the stage, he must have had a reason. He might be depressed, or hopeless. I feel sad for his hopelessness. Somebody should have rescued this poor guy before he’s trapped too deep.

It seems that the event has set a vicious cycle of karma. I reckon, the left families would find it hard to let go their innocent loved ones…. This attachment would lead to another karma….. In the future, there would be such incident to be repeated. Not necessarilty to be exactly the same. But, what goes around comes around. So yeah… the gunman might receive his ‘punishment’, and the punishment would lead to another one…. and keeps cycling in a circle.

That is why it is important to practise forgiveness, so we can break (well at least, some) of those kinda karmic circle. There are times when we need to let go, and there are times when we have to cherish what we have before we depart from them….

May all beings be happy…. Let go of your burden….. Life is imperfect in its every way…… Sadhu sadhu sadhu!

Wow!! In less than 24 hours my parents would touch down in Sydney!!! Frankly speaking, Im not so excited, but I do feel lil bit exhilirated. Hehehe….

Well, despite all the sparks in my heart that they would be by my side soon, I also have to manage very very well my time (Which I doubt I can do so). Since Im gonna have my mid test during the break (on Thurs, and it worths 50% of my total assessment). Then, I also have a coming assingment due right after the break finishes (i.e., on Monday)! The assingment also weighs quite high, if not mistaken, its 15% of total marks. Hmm…. can I cope with all the challenges??? Crossing finger, I would be just fine!!!

Yeah… gotta back to study now….. cant wait to see my parents soon!!!

I guess, there are so many things to learn throughout the life. My earliest lesson that I can recall is the memory when I was 7. That time I was in still in Primary school, year 1. Without any desire to boast, I was quite smart (when I was young) I think. Well, my mom told me that at the age of 2, I could memorise all the alphabets. At the beginning, my mom had nothing much to do, and while I was on her laps, she playfully taught me an alphabet A. She only taught me once, and the day after, curiously, my mom pointed the letter and asked me. Surprisingly, I could answer correctly! Since then, my mom taught me one letter each day. And eventually, all of them are in my head!! My mom also told me that I was the one who wanted to go to school. I was the one who requested to go to school! (Hmmm was I that intelligent? hahahaha) Anyway, I dont recall any of those….

But the earliest lesson I had is actually from my dad. That day I just got 2nd my report card. Our school has trimester system, so in 1 year, we are going to have 3 big exams. At the 1st term, I did quite well. Without studying hard, and played a lot (almost all the time, and also watching lotsa TV), I could get the toppest position. Since then, I thought to myself, "Well, without working hard, I still could reach the highest. So why bother?" So, in the next term, I didnt study (almost at all!). Then, when I got my report card, I was kinda disappointed. I got the 2nd position! =( Frankly speaking, after reaching home, I cried. I still remember, I was laying down in the couch crying, while my dad was typing on the table next to the couch. Then my dad asked why I cried. I told him, that I got the 2nd instead. My dad gently told me," Dont be stupid. It’s not the end yet. It’s only the 2nd term, you still have one left in the year. So why you cry and give up? You still the ‘chance’ to pay it off." As magic as it is, I stopped shedding my tears.

It is my bestest childhood memory, and my sweetest memory of my dad. He was the first who taught me to think positive in life. He taught me to keep hope in your heart, not easily giving up. As long as you have the hope, you can thrive to the better!

Thanks dad! I love you!

Today, I find that Im stressed over something, which I hardly could pinpoint. Dunno… seriously, I really dunno what I’m stressed over or what I’m worried about. It is very easy to see if I’m bored or stress—> I tend to overeat. Yep, that is what I did today. I overate, which now I enermously regret. *sigh*

Thankfully, when I wanted to change my Friendster ’shout out’, I re-read the line I wrote. Suddenly, it hit me! Yep, I have to remind myself, whatever Im feeling atm, it shall pass too. Yepp…. so at the times of I start overeat, or get stressed, I’d chant this line, so I wouldnt feel regret (like now) later on.

I guess, what stressed me today is about body image. Well, I had big lunch at my work today. And maybe, unconsciously, I blamed myself for that. And because of that guilt feeling, I got stressed, and like a vicious cycle, I overate!! Gosh!! Sounds so bad as it is.

Dunno how i can break this vicious cycle. I obviously have a body issue, I mean, I m not having eating disorder or something, but for sure, I care about body weight and stuff. Which sometimes drains a lot of energy out of my mind. And sometimes, it could lead me to yo-yo style diets (which I do know its not healthy). But thankfully, up to now, its not as extreme as the starlets do (I think, mine is still ‘normal’).

Okay, enough for this emotion-pouring moment. Now time to catch up with my HW… Gambate, Rosie!