Impermanence…

Tonight Im home alone!! The house is sooo quiet!! Hehehe… Well, but tomorrow my housie, Shi Ying would return from her Qld trip tomorrow arvo, so yeah.. I only need to bear for one night.

Yesterday I met a new girl I met at temple. She is a Msian, and was active in Buddhist activities. Surprisingly she found me familiar, but I didn’t. My bad! She knew me from Bodhinite, coz she was also a volunteer. She told me that I’m always smiling and happy. I was quite taken aback when she said that. Not because that I wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t the only person who has said that. Quite a few other people also told me that. Mmmm… is it true? I don’t really realise if I do always smile. I mean, I cant be happy 24/7 right? I also had my bad times. Well, reckon my besties know this well. HoHoHo….. Yeah…. but maybe in general, I m a happy person…. LOL

Kay then… I need to shower now… I stink, just finished my work out in the gym….. Ciao!

Yesterday I heard of the shocking news from my friend. It said that my high school friend, Verona, has passed away….. It is shocking and sad news indeed. I cant say that I was close to her during high school, but we had good talks and laughs in the past though….. I still can reminisce her bubbly character, her smile is still clearly pictured in my memory. Yet I still have no idea what the reason of her leaving is….

Death…………
It can come any time it wants, with or without our readiness. Knowing that one of my friends has left this life for good was another eye-opener that life indeed is precious, that we dont know when we are going to leave this life. Having said that, I reckon we should cherish the moment we are having at the moment, before regrets visit our soul.

May you R.I.P., Ver…….. I wish the family can cope with this grief….

Remember on the previous entry I said that I wished I could meet Dalai Lama?? Well, my wish was granted!!!! I was in cloud nine when I could sign off after working for 3 hours!! Geez!!! Despite the pouring weather, I managed to walk from Darling Harbour to Domain (ard Martin Place)… Indeed, it wasnt a pleasant weather…. it was wet and cold, but everything was paid off.

Dalai Lama is so lovable, he is cute!!! ^________^ I like his humility, he is such an inspiration. Even though the talk I heard wasnt so profound (in terms of Buddhist teaching), I still enjoyed it. I think, I was so lucky could have seen him (even though from a distance). It’s such a rare condition to be able to see him I think considering his age now.

Well, I took that picture using my phone camera. So yeah, the quality aint that good. Anyway, it was estimated that there were 3000 people standing on the Domain that day.

He gave free talk on Friday and Saturday. I only went on Friday because I didnt feel so well on Saturday, so decided to sleep longer (and because of that I had to cancel my shift…. I feel sorry though for doing tat, but I put my health before anything else). At Saturday dawn, the weather was so crazy. I could hear the blundering sound of the wind, the rain fell cats and dogs. Seriously, it was a gloomy weather, you could hardly see the sun. But surprisingly, just a moment before he began his talk (ard 9 am), the rain subsided and the wind calmed. The clouds slowly shed and let the sun pour its shines to Sydney. Amazing! Then after he finished, the weather began to show its rage again… the clouds started to cover the sunshines, the wind blew hard, and the sky began to cry again. I was so amazed by this phenomenon. Actually, Im not that surprised, kinda expected it to happen though.

Anyway, I still feel so lucky to be able to go to Domain in time!!!! ^________^

*Sigh* I wish we all can have our wish come true. I have another wish aint granted. I really really wish to go to the (Free) Dalai Lama Talk on tomorrow and Saturday. But too bad, I cant make it to be there…. I’m bound with responsibility to work on both days, and my shifts are clashed w the talk schedule… *Sigh*

To be honest, I feel kinda sad though. Coz I think this is a rare opportunity. I tried to console myself, and it worked for some time, but not always. Deep inside of me, I still want that!! Is that my attachment? Maybe……… I have to let it go…………

Anyway, for those who would be there… Please, cherish your moment there!!! You guys are the lucky bunch, and should appreciate it!!! JIA YO!!! For UNIBUDS folks, please collect funds as much as u can!!! I’d send you a moral support from Sydney Convention Center!!!!

O well, I just read an article written in a newspaper. Its about a survey of babies’ names in UK. Apparently, Mohammed (with different but similar spelling taken into consideration) is on the 2nd top, right behind Jack!!! Funny thing is that my tutor’s name is also Mohammed!! So yeah… I find it funny when I read this article. LOL My tutor’s name is soo common in UK!!! ^______^

Have you ever had such question in your mind but you cant pour it out loud? Well, I do, for sometimes. The reasons being might be because I wanna protect the person’s feelings, or I just simply cant bluntly ask because its not the culture. O well, you might get confused why I say this…. Actually I now have a silent question. I cant spell it out.. because I dont know where and how to start. Maybe one of the reasons is that the person I wanna ask to is not open about this matter to me (and my brothers?). Its just not the culture in our family to talk about this issue. Since young, my parents never talk about this issue openly to us. So yeah… I find it hard to question about that.

But on the other hand, I do want to know the exact condition (sorry you might find it confusing to follow my entry, but Im not ready to reveal the issue here). I wanna know if its getting worse or better, so I know how to put myself in.

Bottling up aint a nice thing………………

Okay… I just got a Buddha picture from LCT, and I love it, it gives me some peaceful feeling. I wonder, will Christians feel the same way as they see Jesus picture.
Lemme show the Buddha picture I meant:

I dont know if the picture effect would be universal, or would be exclusive to Buddhist…. O well, maybe the latter would be more justifying, since I dont always feel peaceful if I see Jesus or other prophets pictures……

Okay… actually, Im currently bored with my assignment. That is why I turn to this blog writing. Since, I just randomly write this entry, I would randomly pick an article to write… hahahhaha (now my head is too occupied with all those assgts!!)
My choice falls to Reader’s Digest Health mini-mag bonus; its about FOOD AND DIET (my favorite topic!!)

• Tomatoes may block the effects of enviromental toxins. They contain a compound called chlorogenic acid, which may help guard against cancer by blocking the effects of nitrosamins, which are cancer-causing compounds in tobacco smoke and also in cured meat.

• Garlic is an edible antibiotic. It contains compounds that act as powerful natural antibacterial, antiviral, and antifungal agents. It has been shown to inhibit the fungi that cause athlete’s foot, vaginal yeast infections, and many cases of ear infection, and may be as effective against certain fungi as antifungal medication.
• Many soy products are high in iron (yey, for vegos!), one of the body’s essential minerals, but it may not be well absorbed. Improve your iron absorption by adding foods high in vitamin C to your meals, such as orange juice, tomatoes, capsicums, strawberries, or melons.
• One reason that soft drinks are linked to obesity may be because they are often consumed with fast foods that are loaded with fat. The sugar in the soft drink activates the pancreas to produce insulin, but insulin also tells the body to store fat. So, as the pancreas is feeling the effects of the soft drink, the hamburger and fries arrive, and since the body has more insulin than it needs for the meal, it stores the fat instead of burning it.

Okay folks, thats it for today… hahah gotta continue to my work. Hope the tips would be helpful

Last week I was kinda battling within myself. I call it mental war. For you who meet me most of the time would realised that I looked so drained out lately, u could see the obvious dark circles around my eyes. Well, not because I slept less, but MY MIND harldy slept. I was struggling with my own self.

I find it hard to explain in simple way. Well, let me try to do it though. I found it hard to accept myself as what it is. Let me repeat: I hardly accept myself as it is. There are some of my own quality that I dont like, and worse, I want to change and get rid off it. Dont get me wrong…. it is not wrong at all to change yourself. It’s the process that matters. I wasnt at peace with myself. I was fighting against it. And it drained me out, didnt give me any benefits at all….Seriously.

Just now I heard a dharma talk by Ajahn Brahm. What he said actually opened my eyes. I was questioning myself and got no answer these past few days. Why did I fall that deep? Why I felt so drained out despite the enough rest? Why wasnt I happy? Why? Why? Why????

Having listened to it, I realised that I wasnt at peace with myself. I should’ve forgiven myself more, should accept it as what it is. Well, I wasnt born to be good-at-everything person. And I have to accept that. I was just being too hard on myself. I didnt really look after it very well and nourish it with love.

Ajahn Brahm mentioned that sometimes we want to get rid off something in part of our life because we dont like it. But, what if it is the ‘essential’ part of our life to see the truth (in a right way)? It really opened my eyes. Yeah, maybe instead of rejecting or fighting against it, I should have just used it and contemplate it and see how it is as what it is. Well, I bet most of you would find my previous line confusing. I dont wanna explain further, cos dun think everyone would get it anyway. But I said that in a Buddist term. For simplicity, you guys can just ignore that sentence. I wrote it merely to pour out my thoughts….
There is a metaphor of the thing I just said. We can analogise the thing you dont like as ‘dog poo’. People ‘normally’ would simply throw away the poo. But, instead of doing such, why dont we use the poo as a fertiliser in our garden? Why dont we make the most out of it?

Now, I just wanna be at peace with LIFE….

Btw, Happy Mother’s Day!!

I always wonder,why is life so unpredictable? We almost can’t predict everything in life. Even clairvoyance can’t see accurately about what’s about to happen. Last couple of days, there was a nightmare happened in the States. A massacre in an institution in Virginia state. What a sad thing to happen! Random (are they?) people, added up to be 22, were shot… Terrible, horrified, tragic, you name it!

But thinking of it again, perhaps they were caught in the cycle of karma in the previous life? (perhaps?) Otherwise, why could such random people were dead coz of one guy? They might know not each other. It seems unfair for the left families. Those people seem to be ‘innocent’ in this case.

Sadly anough, I heard from my friend that the gunman’s parents shot themselves. The dad said goodbye to the world, whereas the mom was revived. I guess, it aint easy life for the parents anymore. They bore heavy burden on the shoulders: shame, guilt, mourn, etc. I pity them actually.

Frankly, at the first time I read the news, I didnt condemn the gunman. Dont get me wrong, its not that I dont see that his action was right. It’s just that I believe he must have been so desperate to do such. Well, okay, let’s just assume that he is mental… but before he got to the stage, he must have had a reason. He might be depressed, or hopeless. I feel sad for his hopelessness. Somebody should have rescued this poor guy before he’s trapped too deep.

It seems that the event has set a vicious cycle of karma. I reckon, the left families would find it hard to let go their innocent loved ones…. This attachment would lead to another karma….. In the future, there would be such incident to be repeated. Not necessarilty to be exactly the same. But, what goes around comes around. So yeah… the gunman might receive his ‘punishment’, and the punishment would lead to another one…. and keeps cycling in a circle.

That is why it is important to practise forgiveness, so we can break (well at least, some) of those kinda karmic circle. There are times when we need to let go, and there are times when we have to cherish what we have before we depart from them….

May all beings be happy…. Let go of your burden….. Life is imperfect in its every way…… Sadhu sadhu sadhu!

Wow!! In less than 24 hours my parents would touch down in Sydney!!! Frankly speaking, Im not so excited, but I do feel lil bit exhilirated. Hehehe….

Well, despite all the sparks in my heart that they would be by my side soon, I also have to manage very very well my time (Which I doubt I can do so). Since Im gonna have my mid test during the break (on Thurs, and it worths 50% of my total assessment). Then, I also have a coming assingment due right after the break finishes (i.e., on Monday)! The assingment also weighs quite high, if not mistaken, its 15% of total marks. Hmm…. can I cope with all the challenges??? Crossing finger, I would be just fine!!!

Yeah… gotta back to study now….. cant wait to see my parents soon!!!